Random movie reviews

Some movie reviews from recent rentals and trips to the theaters... this is recycled material from Pulp Legacy (issue 35), so if you happen to read that publication, feel free to skip. The language may be more colorful than usual too.

This is part one of two...

The Pursuit of Happyness
… should be called the pursuit of crappiness. Wow, this movie was terrible, I mean, terrible. It’s over two hours of pure misery, with approximately 32 uplifting seconds. If I wanted to feel bad about money, I would have stayed home and balanced my check book.
I challenge you to find a worse Will Smith movie.
Zero out of 10 stars. Just, an absolute piece of crap.

Glen or Glenda?
Got this one from the library. An Ed Wood movie. It was so bad and weird and bizarre… seriously, in the middle of the film, during a critical moment, the picture splits, and inexplicably, a heard of buffalo start rushing across the screen. Adrianne bought me a boxed set of Ed Wood stuff for Valentine’s Day; I’m betting his sci-fi stuff is more unintentionally funny.
Still, better than Pursuit of Happyness.
Three out of 10 stars.

Dukes of Hazzard
I remember Rolling Stone lambasted this film, gave it zero stars, really gave it the business. That disappointed me because I was looking forward to the movie, I was a huge fan of the Dukes when I was a little boy. And I’d grown to respect Rolling Stone’s movie reviews, for the most part.
I saw it at the library and grabbed it.
What the hell? This is exactly what I was hoping for in a Dukes of Hazzard movie. What crawled up Rolling Stone’s collective ass? (Besides George Bush)
The General Lee jumps, Daisy Duke struts, the screen pauses during cliff hanger moments and gives the voice-over, Boss Hog is evil and money-grubbing, Cletus is inept, the Duke boys are our heroes, and it’s all light hearted, cheeky fun.
All in all, it’s a great movie.
There were three laugh-out-loud funny moments for me. That’s pretty solid, considering many comedies barely evoke one laugh from me. The script in this one was smart, clever. It takes the Duke boys out of Hazzard county to Atlanta, where they draw ire for the stars and bars on the roof of the General Lee – a good modern spin on the Dukes. Then they crash a big city college, taking the Duke boys out of their element for more fun. And then it’s back to the farm for the wrap-up.
There are hillbillys, leggy women, homemade explosives, and the General Lee looks great airborne.
One complaint: it looks like the director got caught up in the “drifting” fad and made the General Lee drift on too many occasions. Totally unnecessary. That’s like starting over the Rocky series, but this time he’s an ultimate fighter. Blah.
But a great 2-hour joy ride for anyone that enjoyed the Dukes as kids.
An astounding 8 out of 10 stars.

Rocky Balboa
Speaking of the Rock, I did go see Rocky Balboa when it came to theaters. It’s like Star Wars, folks. We grew up loving Star Wars, well, I grew up loving Rocky movies, too. It’s just that one’s geared to jocks while the other is geared to Star Trek geeks. But all are geeks, right?
And even if there was a Phantom Menace of Rocky Movies (Rocky 5), then you still go see it, just to see what they’re doing with the character.
Well, good news – Rocky Balboa, the sixth installment, wasn’t all that bad. Sure, I was drinking to get through it, and there’s a lot of build up and not much fighting, but it’s worlds better than Rocky 5.
All the silly characters are eliminated, and we focus on Rocky, his business, and his one-and-done comeback.
Not great, but not awful, either.
Five out of 10 stars.

The Illusionist
A rental here, we’ve got Edward Norton as Eisenheim the Illusionist, Jessica Biel as Sophie the love interest. Paul Giamatti is the local inspector.
Norton is a magician of sorts, and his childhood love, Biel, is rediscovered years later, but now she’s the fiancée of local asshole, the Prince. The Prince hates Eisnheim because he’s an asshole.
And the movie itself wraps up like my last sentence. With little explanation and a lot of assumption. And you find yourself going, “What?”
It’s like it was written as a children’s book – say, Encyclopedia Brown – but then it was mixed up and Hollywood tried to pass it off as Sherlock Holmes.
The thing I liked about the movie is it is pretty. The style, the era, the filters – make a good looking movie.
And the movie is interesting for the first two reels.
And then the wheels come off in the end.
Four out of 10 stars.