Bigfoot poll a big sham?

LAWRENCE, KAN. -- In a stunning turn of events, electoral officers are calling the recent http://www.especiallyevey.blogspot.com/ poll, "a sham," "a farce," and "downright $*%#!"

"It's apparent that we had one person casting multiple votes," said Cindy Lowe, Vice President of the Just One Vote Per Person Council based in Manassas, Va. "The finally tally showing Bigfoot as the victor over Seth Jones? I'd say that's about as legit as most Bigfoot sightings."

On Wednesday an anonymous tip was sent to the EspeciallyEvey offices in Lawrence, Kan. The tip stated that one of the voters, a Lawrence teacher, may have utilized the school library computers to vote as many as nine times for the bipedaled Bigfoot.

The motive? An abnormal affection for the mythical monster.

"She claims to have been kidnapped by Bigfoot a few years ago while in Colorado," the source, on a strict condition of anonymity, said. "She's been a big Bigfoot fan ever since. Some even speculate that she may have married her husband because of his slight resemblance to Bigfoot. He's hairy; grunts a lot. It's crazy, but at least it kind of explains what she sees in this guy."

Indeed, can a person have Stockholm Syndrome for a creature that may not exist? As unlikely as that sounds, it would at least explain what appeared to be a stunning upset for local Lawrence legend Seth Jones.

"Whoo! I'm back, baby," an elated Jones said from his personalized seat at Rick's in Lawrence. "Do you want my autograph?"

Golf legend Greg Norman, when reached at his multi-million dollar ranch in Colorado, was sure that the election was tainted.

"I've suffered some major losses in my career, but none may have burned as badly as not winning this poll on EspeciallyEvey," Norman said. "To get news that the election may have been rigged... well, let's just say that the Shark smells the blood in the water on this one, folks."