Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I'm kicking your ass when it comes to Valentine's Day

Yeah, I hit this today at the casino. Allow me to go into vivid detail now, as if you wanted to know all about it:

For Valentine's Day, Adro wanted to go to the casino. She had a few days off work coming her way since she just spent 8 days in San Diego. She took today (a Tuesday) off. I took her to the casino, an early Valentine's Day gift.

Let's recap Adro's Valentine's Day week so far:

Sunday: Spent about three, maybe four hours cleaning house while her and the kids were at church and running errands
Monday: Despite being at Kung Fu class from 4-5:30, made a kick-ass dinner for her and the kids Monday night.
Tuesday: Gave her $100 to blow at the casino. Upon conclusion of our trip... gave her another $400.

Oh, but I'm sure those roses you're going to get are nice! Ha!

Adro took the kids to school/daycare this morning while I hastily worked on a few projects this morning. She got home, I got changed, and we were out the door. We arrived at Hollywood Casino at the Legends right at 11 a.m. Got the best parking spot possible, sans handicap permit.

We walked in and I spent a $20 at the video poker machine, doubling my money to $40. I then cashed out and went and got lunch. They have screaming wireless at Hollywood, so I then worked for a few hours at the restaurant, while Adro gambled.

At about 1:30 I emerged from the restaurant and decided to gamble for one hour before we had to leave to pick up Evey. I went to the same machine at the bar and put a $20 in. It quickly evaporated.

I took the $40 ticket from earlier and put it in. Adro came and checked on me. I told her I wasn't having any luck. She advised me it wasn't wise to have $40 in the machine at once, I should cash out and gamble a $5 at a time. She took my money and broke it for me, so I could gamble utilizing her unorthodox rule of thumb.

I took that first $5 and upped the ante to $1 bets (I had previously been playing quarters, wagering max bet -- $1.25 -- every time.) On that one $5 bet, I hit three tens, which paid off $15. So now I had $15 to gamble with...

I was losing, then losing some more. And then losing even more. I was almost out of money, with a half hour to go until we were scheduled to be wheel's up from the casino. I was not happy.

I was listening to my iPod on shuffle, and Cracker's "Loser" came on. It's not a song I'm familiar at all with, despite owning the album. Here the song, because we are going with vivid detail:

As I listened to that song, I thought, "Hmm, interesting song to come on while I'm gambling." I decided to hold every Queen of Diamonds I saw from then on. I especially liked the lyric, "No I got no chance of losing... this time."

But I am losing. And I was down to my last $1.25 -- which is one hand, with me betting the max bet of 5 quarters each time.

Frustrated, I did something I NEVER DO anymore... I bet one measly quarter.

And wouldn't you know? I hit four kings. The first time I hit four-of-a-kind all day. That normally pays out a little over $30, but since I bet only the one quarter, it only paid out 25 quarters, or $6.25 (as you can see from the payout line in the photo.)

So now I'm full-on roid rage in my mind. I'm pissed. I can barely see straight. How stupid of me to bet the one quarter. The timing was awful. I literally thought to myself, "I'm telling Adro I'm done with the casino for a while."

I angrily hit the max bet button for the next hand. It dealt me the cards you see held --  KD, 10D, QD, JD. This is the very next hand after the four kings.

I looked at the hand I'm dealt. Sometimes I'll stare at it for a minute and try to mentally will the machine to deal the card I want (this is what degenerate gamblers do on occasion, sorry.) This time, I just double-checked quickly and hit "deal." I was five songs in the future now from Cracker's "Loser," having listened to White Zombie's "Creature of the Wheel," Pearl Jam's "Alive," The Cult's "Resurrection Joe," NIN's "God Given," and was listening to the White Stripes sing "I Can't Wait" when the Ace of Diamonds proudly graced my screen.

I didn't do anything. I just sat there and watched the money roll up from $6 to $1,006. I felt my blood pressure race.

I sat there for a little while, admiring the cards. Then I texted Adro and told her, "You should come see me. Immediately." She came and saw me immediately, and did the appropriate amount of celebrating with me. We were definitely having fun. Beers were on me.  

Adro told me, "I know this is the most you've ever won at a casino," which I told her, well... I've hit this hand one other time, about ten years ago, and you were with me.

Which is a different story for a different day, but yeah... this is my second time hitting the Royal Flush on video poker. Both times I bet the max bet, both times I won $1,000.


I gave Adro an extra $400 when we got home. Not a bad Valentine's Day for her -- $500 in cash.

Hope she doesn't mind if she doesn't get much on Thursday! Her Valentine's Day week may have peeked early!

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