Balance beam

Evey's dance class instructor says Evey's really good at the balance beam. She should be; every time we're in a parking lot Evey has to stop to walk on the top of every wheel stop she sees.

(Yeah, I google'd 'what do you call those concrete things in parking lots' to come up with the term "wheel stop.")

Friday O'POMP

Here is a photo of Evey with Neuty and Bella Boom. Evey is rockin' Trish's sunglasses.

Had a city league game tonight. Before i left, Evey handed me some of her sunglasses and said, "here, Dad, wear these, because people will want you to look cool."

If you are looking for something fun to do tomorrow night, the Wild West Film Fest will be showing at Liberty Hall starting at 7 p.m. They'll be showing some 30 5-minute movies made in 48 hours, including one in which I star in. It's an interesting event, there are good movies and bad movies, but hey, they're all shot in 48 hours and under 5 minutes in length!

Cheers to Elliott Smith, wish you were still alive, I never got to see you perform in person. Seven years ago today. Now i must have a beer, even though i had previously planned on refraining tonight...

Happy Anniversary!

Me and my wife celebrate our 4-year anniversary today. Happy anniversary babe, I love you!

We're not doing much to celebrate today. Adro, I'm probably on my way to buy flowers as you read this. Also, maybe we could go get lunch today? We could even go to Jason's Deli, even though I hate that place.

Tomorrow (Friday night) we are going out to properly celebrate. A few beers, then dinner and a movie. We're going to the Wild West Film Fest at Liberty Hall Friday night, where I'll have a movie showing (hopefully).

I told Adrianne this as we walked in to work the other day... I was nervous that it came out awkward, but she said "awww," so it must have came out right -- I love her today more than I've ever loved her before. And that's a good thing. This is our fourth year of marriage, and I think this was our BEST year of marriage so far.

Sure, we still have our disagreements. Remember, my wife is a perfectionist, and I am not. But together we're a great team. We're really starting to figure this out.

So, I love you babe! Happy anniversary.

(By the way, our beautiful little Evey took the photo at the top of this post!)

Best letter of complaint -- conclusion

So the next day, I get this email:

Ok we have gotten to the bottom of all of this and we will send you an email with a corrected escrow statement. Basically what happened is we collected from the seller to pay for first half of the taxes at closing but then when they came due they still showed that they were not paid so we cut a check from your escrow account to pay the taxes and the check the title company sent from the sellers got returned back to the title company and sent to the sellers which it was there responsibillity to pay the taxes.

If I didn't have you confused with someone else I would have checked into it more then I did and I appoligize for that but everything should be straightened out now.

Thanks

OK, I understand some people have trouble with there/their, but seriously, how can she keep spelling “apologize” like that?!? And why not just add one more “L” to “responsibillity” since we’re adding extras anyway? Three would make it even more absurd and even funnier.

I have a hard time comprehending her email as it is in desperate need of some punctuation marks. Every time I start reading that first paragraph I end up gasping for air midway through. Adro translated it for me thusly: they gave the sellers some money back they shouldn’t have when we closed… and then they wrongly came to us for the money… and when I squawked I made them reconsider what they had done… and it turns out they came to the wrong guy.

Got it? Got it.

Sorry, sellers, but apparently this shit sandwich was meant for you. It’s nothing personal.

Anyway, Adrianne was very happy with me that day. Though I actually understood nothing of what was going on, I apparently worded an email sternly enough – and with a fierce understanding of the “spell check” function – that I got a banker to actually do her job, and I also got the Joneses some money back.

Letter of Complaint part 2

Adrianne went straight to the office to rummage through the paper work on the house.

I knew this would really piss her off, in fact, it’d ruin her day. I wasn’t happy about it either, but if you know me, you know stuff like this doesn’t really ruin my day, it pisses me off for about ten minutes and then I move on with my day. I was worried that Adro, however, might not get to sleep that night, she’d be so pissed.

And as you know, when Momma ain’t happy, no one’s happy.

The next day I sent out this email to our mortgage loan officer, CC’ing or real estate agent:

Hello (name and name),

I recently got some bad news in the mail regarding my mortgage payment (see attached document) and just wanted to take this to everyone and see what happened? Is this accurate?

Thanks for your insight.

Seth

This was the response I got (her misspellings):

I am not sure what happened with the escrow account but my suggestion is to call US Bank and see what it would take to make up the shortage so your payment doesn'y increase this much. I have went back and looked at everything and I know sometimes because of the time frame that we closed it gets kind of strange because your taxes are due but yet they are not ready to be paid out yet and that can mess things up.. If you choose not to pay the shortage then your payment won't stay this way the entire time it is really up to you as to what you want to do.

I appoligize that I am just now returning your email but I didn't get the first one and we were closed on Friday..
Thanks

You can probably imagine I wasn’t real happy with this response. Besides the butchering of the English language (appoligize???), we never had any dealings with U.S. Bank for our loan. It seemed like she barely read the documents I sent her, and apparently asked her 9-year-old to type the response on her Blackberry while she dealt with more important customers…

Hence, my response:

(Name),

How is US Bank involved in any of this?

Neither of my questions were answered. The only thing I see in your reply is that things can get "kind of strange" and that "can mess things up."

I don't know who screwed up, but as a first-time home buyer, I put my trust into others, and somewhere along the lines a rookie mistake was made, and it's costing me over a thousand dollars. This rookie mistake should have been avoided.

If I were at a restaurant, I'd ask to speak with the manager. But this wasn't a cheeseburger I bought, it was a house -- the largest purchase of my life -- and someone failed to cross all the Ts and dot all the Is. That's the irony of the whole thing, isn't it? If I were at a restaurant, I'd at least get an apology from the manager and maybe a free dessert! But when buying a house, I get a poorly written email stating the obvious.

Don't worry, I'm not kicking over tables here or anything. I'm just looking for some customer service. You don't need to apologize for being slow to respond, that doesn't bother me. The $1800 I lost and the lack of real answers I'm getting is what bothers me.

-Seth

So she emails me back pretty quickly this time, but now she’s apparently wide awake and the effects of whatever drugs she was on have worn off. Turns out she had me “confused with someone else.” Even though I scanned and attached all the documents regarding the matter. She promises me she’ll “do some more research.” And by the way, she spelled “apologize” “appoligize” again and that just about made my head explode.

But I sit back and chill. I’m not expecting any good news, I just want to know what happened and I want someone to know I’m unhappy that the ball was dropped and I’m the one who gets to pay for the fuck-up.

Then, I get this email…

(The final part, tomorrow...)

My best letter of complaint yet

You may remember a year or two ago, I posted a couple letters I wrote, complaining about bad service. Both letters saw positive results, and I received reciprocity. (I love reciprocity, it’s one of my favorite things.)

Well, several months ago I was at it again. This time I saved the Jones family $1,800, so I’d have to say it’s my best letter of complaint yet.

===========================================================

PART I: The letter

Adrianne typically grabs the mail out of the mailbox after work. She was opening a letter at the foot of the stairs, and I heard her mutter something like, “Holy shit.” “What is it?” I asked. “This letter… something was messed up, and it says our house payment is going up… $150 a month… for the next 12 months…”

It was effectively the “chance” card in Monopoly… that letter you get in the mail that says, Make general repairs on all your properties… pay $25 for each house you own, $100 for each hotel.

I guess it’s better than Go directly to jail, do not pass go, but this was a shit sandwich delivered to us by our friendly U.S. postal service employee.

I asked Adrianne to show me the letter. I read it. The letter instantly just looked ugly, one of those letters that’s printed off in two seconds by a giant printer, spit out, unceremoniously folded and stuffed into an envelope. No one even signed a name to the letter, it was just from ‘the bank.’

The letter plainly stated that we had not paid enough in taxes when we closed on our house. We were short around $1,800… ‘the bank’ informed us that it could demand this money in one lump sum right now… but since it was a benevolent bank, it would allow us to pay back the deficiency over 12 months.

Now, we could afford the extra $150, but that’s not the point. The point is, what happened? Why did this happen? Why weren’t enough in taxes collected? And why am I the guy left holding this letter?

Tomorrow... Part II...

Friday O'POMP: what can brown do for Seth?

Email sent to my coworkers, 10/13/10:

Attention people of Earth,

Do not be alarmed by the brown-haired man sitting in my office tomorrow. That's me. In character.

Y'see, we're making another movie this weekend. I've somehow been cast as "the son." The problem? I look older than "the dad." Hence, the dye job my wife will be performing on me tonight.

Hopefully this will peel about 10 years off my appearance... so I only look 40.

Thanks,

Seth
AKA
"The son"

Gimme 5 (if you want to)

• I'm doing a bowling charity event on Friday for Junior Achievement. I'm supposed to raise money for this event. If you'd like to shoot a donation my way, click here. One request... no more than $5, please. I don't like hitting up my people for money, but asking for a $5 bill for this, I think I can handle that.
• Special thanks to Kendall Heiman for answering the request for an old carpet that we'll use this weekend for our next movie.
• The new ESPN 30 for 30 about Vlade Divac and Drazen Petrovic? Whew... that was a tear-jerker. Did you watch it? What do you think about the fact that Valde, Dino Radja and Toni Kucoc never appeared together?
• I was at Best Buy today, and they had a DVD of the Rolling Stones on tour in 2001... 5 DVDs, over 50 songs. Originally $30, on sale for... $3.99. I couldn't pull the trigger. The thought of 5 DVDs, it was overkill. I'm not a big enough fan to handle that. If it were one or two DVDs, a tight set of their greatest hits, then yeah, I'd own it right now. But 5 DVDs, I just couldn't do it, even for the cheap price. But if you're a big Stones fan, you should go check that out...
• I stepped on a snail today. This really bothers me. The sidewalk in to my office is some underground railroad for snails apparently, because there are always a couple crossing it... this one was too close to the door and I didn't see it. Not a good way to start the day.
• 
  
• Went and saw my Mom this weekend, and she was doing great. Awesome getting to hang out with her. She even cooked me my favorite dish, coleo and beans. You know I had to take some of it down at 2 a.m. after I got back from Abasolo's house.
• Speaking of Abasolo, me and Greg took down team Abasolo (Mike and Mario) in horseshoes. A GAME OF HORSESHOES!
• Saw a shooting star in the sky Saturday night, that lingered for about 10 seconds. Pretty cool.
• What did I wish for? I didn't wish for anything, I just thought, "thanks," because life is pretty great, you know?
• Unless you're that snail.

Go fly a kite

A couple weeks ago we flew a kite with Evey across the street (there's a big empty lot). I think all three of us had fun... I'm looking forward to the next day when there's perfect conditions to do it again. It was the first time I had flown a kite since the kite-ditch incident of 1991...

In 1991, my sister Jessica was going to KU. I had recently broken my arm playing basketball. Me, my mom and my dad came up to visit Jess in Lawrence. I was a little depressed, having this broken arm (which I suffered in embarrassing fashion and in front of a crowd) and this itchy cast I was going to have to endure for six to eight weeks.

We decided to fly a kite at the soccer fields at 23rd and Iowa. We were having a good time, just doing the family thing. I was 14, my sister was 21. My sister and I have always been best of friends, so it was good getting to hang out with her.

The kite got away from us. Me and Jess were running after it, and were relieved it didn't go into traffic -- it crashed just short of Iowa St. The fields were a little wet... there's a little ditch right there... I went to jump over it to get to the kite... I cleared the ditch, but my feet landed in slippery mud. My feet went out from under me, and SPLAT. I used my arm with the cast to catch myself, which was obviously not smart. I didn't hurt myself, but I had an inch of mud all over this cast, which was going to stink enough all on its own.

So, yeah. Happy memories of flying a kite.

This time, no problem flying the kite. No mud, no broken arms. Just a little whining when it was time to go inside for dinner.

Conversations with the kid

On the way to dance class, Evey told me she was going to cover her ears so she wouldn't hear me. So i shouted, "can you hear me?" she put her hands down and said, "where's the hippie?"

We get to dance class, and Ms. Amanda is getting the room ready. "Ms. Amanda?" Evey said. "My dad got a new movie. It's called Eye-Ron Man. It's cool!"

A week ago Evey was telling us how much she liked Tron, and was giving us a pretty good synopsis of the story. I asked her if it was her favorite movie. She said yes. "which is better, princess and the frog, or tron?" "tron!" "the incredibles, or tron?" "tron!"

"...have you ever seen a movie cooler than Tron?" i asked.

Evey stopped and thought.

"...STAR WARS!"

That's my girl!

My little artist

Day 32 of the boycott of 96.5 the Buzz…

Yesterday I added aluminum foil to my car antenna, hoping to reach an alternative rock station in Austin, Texas. Unsuccessful. Still may be potential, as the foil flew off mid-drive somewhere. Will try securing foil with duct tape next time.

This classic country station is killing me. They played Roy Orbison the other day. I can’t decide which freaks me out more, that they played Orbison, or that Orbison might actually be classic country. Was I lied to all these years?

Haven’t listened to “Resurrection Sunday” in weeks. Actually went to church with the girls this Sunday. Might as well, there’s nothing to listen to on the radio Sunday mornings anymore. Also, can pray at church for the return of Jason and his Resurrection Sunday show.

With absence of RS, that means haven’t listened to any 1980s alternative in over a month. No Depeche Mode, no Clash, no Violent Femmes, no Black Flag, no Ramones (actually, can do without the Ramones).

Went to “Buzz Under the Stars” concert the other day, featuring Smashing Pumpkins and Cake. Afentra – the hoarse-voiced, cackle-laughing, small-minded, solipsistic host of the morning show -- came out and introduced the Pumpkins. Shouted expletives at her, but they went unheard… she’s too enamored with the sound of her own voice to hear anyone else anyway. If she can’t listen to Todd Bridges when she’s interviewing him on the air, how the hell is she going to hear me screaming among 15,000 people?

Efforts to contact Jason in order to create a new KC alternative rock station have been fruitless so far. Was informed of an uprising for Jason on Facebook.com, but have a previous boycott of Facebook – now on day 1,287 – that keeps me from going that route. Will just have to hope he will eventually see the smoke signals I’m sending – little puffs of smoke in the shape of Frank Black singing “Where is my mind?” – eventually.

Worry that Jason, and with him, a medium to provide the people of NE Kansas with quality alternative rock music, both new and old, is gone. But hold on to hope by reminding myself of the song he played me for my 33rd birthday – “Road to Nowhere” by the Talking Heads.

I’m feelin’ OK this morning,
And you know,
We’re on the road to paradise,
Here we go,
Here we go.
We’re on a road to nowhere...

OK, not really sure how that song has any message. Eating bacon explosion for breakfast may have been bad idea.

Maybe alternative rock music in KC is on a road to nowhere? Could be.

Will try more smoke signals tonight. Maybe an easier shape than Frank Black? Perhaps, this time, will try making a Lemonhead.

GRUMPY

This is Evey's grumpy/I-don't-want-to look. I got this look a lot this weekend. I also got a lot of hugs and kisses this weekend too, though.

Watched a good movie this weekend called "The Bank Job" starring Jason Statham. Adro liked it as well.

Started drawing a new comic book this weekend. Got about 4 pages into it on Saturday night. It's called "Dr. Solar Gets a Job," and it was strangely a highlight of the weekend. Drawing comics just pleases my brain.

We also went to "EudoraFest" in downtown Eudora Saturday morning... a short parade, then a bunch of arts and crafts. It was fun! Perfect weather, funnel cakes, balloons and hand-made crafts of questionable quality.

We walked to downtown and back home. Evey got a little tired (and I was in a hurry to get back for the KU/Baylor game) so I put her on my shoulders for the last half-mile or so. That's when Evey started singing her newest original song. It goes like this:

I love my DAD-dyyyy
Yes I dooooo...
I love my Dadddddd...
HE THINKS I'M A NERD!!!
He thinks I'm a nerrrrrd....
My Daddy thinks I'm a NERD!!!

It's OK. I love that nerd.

Classifieds

• Happy anniversary to Mark and Jessica! (Yep, I sent a card.)
• Yesterday would have been Mom and Dad's 45th anniversary. (I sent a note to Mom.)
• Happy 30th birthday to Alison Vavra!
• Happy birthday to Jason Arnett!
• Happy birthday to Ande Parks!
• Charity: My friend Jeff is raising money for Leukemia research, and has this Turner Gill autographed football for sale on eBay.
• New business: My friend Bauer has changed professions and is now a financial planner, and he is just starting out, so if you're looking for a financial planner, drop me a line and I'll put you two in touch. Bauer's good people, I've known him since I was a kid, and I'll always remember him and Nunn walking into my Dad's wake with the biggest bottle of tequila I've ever seen!
• New business part II: My sister has also started a new career as a salesperson for Premiere Jewelery. She's hosting her first jewelery party at her house in Shawnee next Friday. Drop me a line if you want to attend!
• Wanted: One used carpet/rug that we can destroy. We're filming our next movie for the Wild West Film Fest in two weekends, and we need a rug for our murder scene. You will get a screen credit, which is good as gold.
• Wanted: Your old comic books, especially if they contain Steve Ditko art. I just want them.